Drupadi is a charecter from Mahabharata that draws me in. Mystery, strength and enigma are facets that keeps me and i am sure many of you hooked to her story.
Last week, two randomly parallel but some what inter connected events occurred.
It got me thinking on a fundamental pattern we women tend to do to ourselves....
I was watching a play on Drupadi. It dealt with how Drupadi was metaphorically stuck between heaven and earth. It was a time and space for her to deal with her guilt and pain. It was a sense of responsibility on the events that unfolded in her life including causing the worlds greatest war. Is that true ? In this context, were other people (Yudhister, Dronacharya, Karna, Duryodhama......) not equally or more responsible for not listening to others or their own inner self, being un reasonable ....but the remorse was felt by this women...
Just a few days before the play, i met a senior women executive. As we broke the ice, we spoke about the challenge about managing a high profile job, running a household and the delicate responsibility of managing her kid. She said " there are days i go through guilt pangs". I was thinking - how come the father never feels remose or guilt .. of not being available... of not playing an equal role..
Even though these are un connected episodes. The common factor is women and the fact that we tend to feel guilt and take a higher degree of responsibility for people and events that unfold in our life
If a women is raped or abused or ill treated, she thinks she drew them in. If there is a fight, she feels bad that she started the fight by not keeping quiet or did not do a good job at creating a compromise...
Look at Sita, another charecter from mythology. She was questioned for something she knew she did not do..but she took responsibility and went away till she was re deemed...
Why is it so difficult for us women to remain objective in a situation or with people.
To hold boundaries, to state to ourselves and others that it takes two to tango
There is that much that we can do and be responsible for.....
questions questions
4 comments:
Totally not agree with your observations. Fathers (nowadays) are as involved as Mothers in bringing up a family. The feeling of guilt is not specific to gender but to an approval seeking mentality.
Good thought Jaya...but you know it is all because of the way men have been brought up in our kind of society (society in transition and very confused). They have never been made responsible for any thing else than bringing money to the household. They have been pampered badly in childhood and their mothers(as house wife) had enough time to do that.
So what I mean they genuinely don't feel guilty about not spending equal time with their kids as in their world it was never men's responsibility. It is women who feel that taking care of house is our responsibility and we grab that..and off course when you have to play senior manager's role also..you are most likely to miss out few things, which we would have done better as a house wife or siting at home.
Just few thoughts..couldn't stop myself from commenting. :-)
Questions .....
Indeed. You raise very pertinent point through your post Jaya. Wondering if a study gets done, more women in the world will be associated with guilt compared to men .
Where does guilt come from ? In case of working women , the pressure surmounts when not giving enough care to her kid , is guilt a consequence of biting more than we can chew , expecting more from our own selves, not letting hair down just it is the right thing to do in a situation.
I am guilty of going through guilt myself...
Questions ....more questions....
Questions .....
Indeed. You raise very pertinent point through your post Jaya. Wondering if a study gets done, more women in the world will be associated with guilt compared to men .
Where does guilt come from ? In case of working women , the pressure surmounts when not giving enough care to her kid , is guilt a consequence of biting more than we can chew , expecting more from our own selves, not letting hair down just it is the right thing to do in a situation.
I am guilty of going through guilt myself...
Questions ....more questions....
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